My Ruin
by Stitch My Mouth
Summary: Abuse is all she knows, it's because of him that her life is hell, he never loved her, she was a fool to even believe he felt anything for her. But yet...she finds herself...deeply in love with him. He was, after all, the only one who noticed her. AxM
1. Chapter One: The Perfect Abuse

My Ruin  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama

I am doll parts, 

Bad skin, 

Doll heart, 

Let's dance for night, 

For the rest of my life . . . 

Yeah they really want you,

They really want you, 

They really do, 

Yeah they really want you, 

They really want you, 

And I do too . . .  
  
-Doll Parts 

Written and performed by Hole

It didn't matter to her anymore, nothing ever mattered, not since him, he had consumed her life to create his own little torture chamber without her even noticing. In the end she hadn't seen it until it was to late, he had tricked her so easily, using her innocence and ability to trust against her. From how he had destroyed her life so quickly it was easy to tell she hadn't been his first victim, no not at all, with his looks it was surprising women didn't just throw themselves on the ground in front of him and demand that he take them.  
  
It didn't surprise her that he had used her, but when she had been unaware of his plans for her she had been surprised that he had picked her of all the people in Japan. He was gorgeous, absolutely stunning, and she . . . well she had always thought herself as a plan human, nothing special, nothing beautiful, just there, without a purpose. He had told her things no one else had dared tell her, he told her she was beautiful, even though she had denied it every time, he had told her he loved her more then anything else in existence, but when she had asked him why he would never answer.  
  
That should have been her first sign that he never carried feelings for her other then pity . . .  
  
He had also told her things like he should just get down on his knees every time he saw her and purpose to her. He never did such things. He told her she would carry each and every single one of his children. But they had never gotten that close before. Never once. The farthest they had even gotten was to kissing -what she thought had been passionate- and to holding each other, and to the occasional falling asleep on the couch together.  
  
She should have seen his motives as soon as he had started demanded she stop seeing her friends. If she did even the smallest possible thing wrong he would either attack her, cut her, or strangle her till she passed out. Every time she wake up he'd be watching her with either a gun in his hand or a knife, it frightened her, it made her feel that if she hadn't woken up when she did, she'd be dead. Every night he'd lie beside her in bed and whisper threats into her ear that if she left him, her body remains would be found under some abandoned bridge and that her face would be so torn up the police would never be able to find out who she was. If she fell asleep at a time he wanted her to be awake he'd boil water to a scolding heat and then throw it on her, and if he were feeling in a nice mood he'd force her into a freezing cold bath and watch her.  
  
Every now if she made him mad enough she'd be lucky to get away with a broken wrist or ankle, he'd never allow her to go to the hospital, instead he would attend to her injuries, he after all, had studied to be a doctor and knew all the ropes. She wasn't allowed to look out the window either, he would place dark curtains over the windows and tell her if she looked out them she'd wish she were dead. However when he was absolutely forced to leave the house, she'd look out the window and cry, wishing she were out there away from him. She had become so pale her skin could probably glow in the dark, and if it did, she didn't know, before she went to sleep he'd blindfold her and chain her down to the bed. Her once sparkling ocean colored eyes had become a dingy gray color like dirty cotton, while his remained a beautiful ice blue color.  
  
There were rooms inside their house in which she was not allowed to go into at all, in fact she was only allowed in the living room, their room, and the bathroom. And if she begged he'd let her into the kitchen if she were hungry. She wasn't allow in his studies or his other rooms in which she very well knew what went on in it, he'd tell her too.  
  
He'd laugh at everything she did, he'd tell her she was stupid and would amount to nothing. He'd dress her in prostitutes clothing and take her outside on a leash and wait until a man came up to her asking for 'services'. Of course he wouldn't let that happen, he'd just laugh and then pull a gun out on the guy. It humiliated her beyond belief, and it actually surprised her that she was once happy and carefree.  
  
It got to points where she thought of killing herself with or without him in the house, she'd think of gruesome ways to comment suicide, but she never did it, for fear that he would not cry or feel any sadness. Yes she will admit it, even though he does everything he does to her, she loves him . . .  
  
But now, now it was time to escape. To leave his hell on earth. Even if she died in the process.  
  
Notes: Please do not tell me how I have so many grammar mistakes or any such things, I write like that on purpose to show you can have a good story without the period in the right place. Anyway R&R please, flames are not excepted, you read the summary if you knew you weren't going to like it, you had no right wasting your time reading it and then flaming me hoping it would hurt my feelings. 


	2. Chapter Two: One Attempt

My Ruin  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song, I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way.  
  
_In the moonshine,  
  
I leave no trace,  
  
My visions have gone,  
  
Far away from this place,  
  
They've dissolved . . ._  
  
-Dissolve

Written and performed by Switchblade Symphony  
  
_4444_

As long as she did what he asked she would not be harmed, except this time.  
  
"Worthless! That's all you are! Worthless!" he kicked her in the stomach, "You idiot!" and as she laid there in front of him, still as concrete he knew she was fighting off tears, his words hurt more then his punches or kicks. He knew no matter what torture he put her body through; his words could and would cut through her far more then anything else on earth. It almost was enough to make him hysterical with laughter.  
  
"Get up." he said grabbing her hair and forcing her up a quick hiss of pain escaped her lips before he threw her across the room. God it hurt like hell, she was lucky she didn't have a concussion from the fact that her head had hit the wall.  
  
"My Kotori." He said quietly as he bent beside her wiping the blood off of her bottom lip, "If you had done what I told you to do you would not be in the pain you are in now." How long had it been since he had started calling her kotori? 4 years now? Wow, she had really put up with his torture for that long eh? She smiled to herself in her head, as she knew it would end soon, very soon.  
  
"Aoshi." She whispered.  
"Hmm?"  
"I'm sorry." Well, why not? She wasn't going to be around him much longer, so why not play his game before she disappears forever?  
"Good Kotori."  
Why was he so violent with her? What had happened in his life to make him such a mental freak? She wished she knew, they had both grown up together and nothing ever seemed wrong with him when she was around him, nothing at all.  
  
"You have been trying so hard lately Kotori, so very, very hard not to upset me and even though you screwed up just a few minutes ago, I think you deserve a reward." Unlike so many times before, he picked her up gently making sure she was comfortable, or at least the most comfortable she could get. She groaned a bit from discomfort but such groans where not heard by anyone except her. As lightly as possible he set her onto the couch and left the room, yes that was a reward she requested, was to be left alone. Even though right now she could go for a massage or something, she knew she could use this time to escape.  
  
She waited a few minutes, thinking he had just gone to his study as usual, she stood up her legs felt like jelly and she tried walking, her vision a little blurry, she slowly started walking up until she got to the front of the house. She started fidgeting with the lock on the door until finally she unlocked it, opening the door she saw the bottom glass door, as she looked out she smiled, it was her last layer to get through to freedom.  
  
She looked up to get to the lock on the glass door when she noticed it was unlocked, her eyes widened as she finally noticed Aoshi was on the other side of door looking dead at her. He opened the door, "Is they're something you want Misao?" Oh shit, she knew she was in for pain if he used her real name instead of the nickname Kotori. She couldn't say anything; he knew what she had been doing. He sighed slightly and walked in closing and locking the door after him.  
  
_'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!!!!!!!!!!!'_ Her mind screamed.  
  
She closed her eyes tightly expecting to be slapped and then beaten bloody, but instead there was nothing. Nothing except a warm embrace as he had wrapped his arms around her tightly, and for a brief moment she wanted to cry, she wanted the old Aoshi back, she wanted rid of this monster using his good name. She wanted the boy who had brought her flowers when she was sick back, she wanted the man who would make sure she always had what she needed and wanted back, she didn't want who he was now.  
  
She sighed in his embrace and remembered the happy memories she had of him many years before he became a demon.

_4444_

_It was summer, you could tell by the way the wind blew however, that autumn was near, but that didn't matter at the moment. What mattered were those two children, a boy and a girl close to the same age, were both playing outside happily. The boy had a smile on his face and the girl kept giggling gleefully, it was obvious she was found of him.  
  
"Let's make a promise." The boy said.  
  
"What kind of promise Aoshi-kun?"  
  
"A promise that says we will be together forever and ever no matter what." Aoshi said cheeks slightly turning a pinkish color.  
  
"Why would we need to make a promise like that?"  
  
"Just promise Misao-chan!"  
  
"Okay." Misao said happily.  
  
The two children closed the promise with a pinky swear and laughed.  
_

_4444_

'Memories are sweet.' Her mind told her; in fact she was jealous of the happiness she used to have. His embrace felt good, to good almost, like she could lose herself in it, when was it going to end and then go back to pain?  
  
"You're stupid." He said in a whisper, "I won't let you leave me."  
  
"But" She said finally speaking up for herself, forgetting he could cause her pain, "How can you expect me to want to stay? Sometimes you hurt me so bad I think being dead would feel better! How can you wake up with yourself? You aren't the man I love anymore! You're some terrible monster in his skin without anything better to do then hurt me!"  
  
Nails scraped across her skin; "You didn't use to be like this Aoshi! You used to be an actual human being who actually cared about how I felt!"  
  
Slapped in all her miserable glory, it was all right though, she knew it was coming eventually. "You" he said angrily, "Shut the fuck up!" her back made contact with the wall.  
  
She looked up at him making direct eye contact, "MAKE ME!" she yelled, "ALL OF IT'S TRUE! YOU'VE MADE IT SO THAT MY FAVORITE PASS TIME IS THINKING OF WAYS TO KILL MYSELF! WHERE'S THE KIND MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH HUH? WHERE IS HE? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"  
  
Before she knew what was happening his hands were at her neck, "You want to die!" he screamed, "I can help you with that!"  
  
Air was something she now strive for, she began gasping for it, his grip was strong, and the view in front of her was slowly turning black, until she saw nothing. Nothing except memories flashing before her very eyes. Times when they were together when he never raised even a finger to hurt her.  
  
_4444  
  
He was 16 compared to 14 and they both stood together under the porch of an abandoned house waiting for the rain to stop. It was the first time she had been kissed and she was extremely happy it had been by him. She sat on his lap as they swung on an old swinging chair that creaked whenever it was moved. It had been the first time she saw him smile, sure she saw him smile, but this was the first time he REALLY smiled, and it was because of her too. He gripped her arms slightly as if he was going to push her off of him and every now and then joking like he was going to do just that. She turned her head slightly and kissed his forehead where he raised his head and caught her lips with his, it was better then any candy and it was hers alone. He rested his head on her shoulders and closed his eyes, whispering words to her that she secretly had always wanted to hear.  
  
"I love you Misao."  
  
4444_  
  
"Get up!" His voiced screamed at her as she now laid silently on the floor from his strangling, she couldn't see, only hear, she heard everything, the water in the pipes inside the walls, she heard the sound of her heart thumping slowly. So surely she wasn't dead. She heard him breath and his heart, which beat was fast from anger, and she heard him scream at her. But she only concentrated on the memories flashing before her.  
  
_4444  
  
She fell onto her bed happily with the phone in her hand up against her ear. They finally had gotten a house together in Tokyo and oh, how she couldn't wait! To live in the same house as the man she loved, god! Can you image all the happy thoughts that raced though her head? They were going to college to study and become doctors together and he had even waited two years for her to finish high school before choosing a college. She also wondered if they would have to share a room together, then suddenly a blush creeped up to her cheeks at the thought of that of which might happen. She talked to him on the phone steadily and happily, but something was wrong. He didn't sound happy.  
  
4444_  
  
He was dragging her across the floor by her hair; it hurt of course, that was the point after all. Oh how she wished she was dead, or just some where far, far away from him, would she ever wake up from this nightmare and find the man she loved beside her? If only wishes came true for her.  
  
_4444  
  
He had hit her, he had actually hit her and when her tears threatened to fall he did not comfort her. Instead he slapped her once again and told her she was weak, and she guessed that he was right, he was always right. But never once in her life did she expect him to purposely hurt her, never once, and oh god how it had hurt, but surely he didn't mean it, no he couldn't have, he loved her. She was his, always and forever. She knew he hadn't been feeling well lately and she knew that had to be the reason he had hurt her. It HAD to be the reason. He'd apologize and they'd go back to normal and they would be happy together just the two of them.  
  
He never apologized and he never stopped beating her . . .  
  
4444  
_  
Misao jerked awake as she slowly realized the blindfold was not over her eyes and she wasn't chained to the bed. Best of all she wasn't dead or maybe that's the worst of all. She felt sore all over her body but she had come accustom to it. What she had found odd besides the fact that she wasn't blindfolded or chained down was that he lay right next to her with his arm around her waist, and he actually looked innocent and almost sweet. But she knew what lay beneath that.  
  
Slowly she moved out of his light grasp trying desperately not to wake him up, she succeeded and for a minute she wished she were still in his grasp so that she could pretend that she was really happy. But instead she headed for the bathroom to run a bath.  
  
She got in and immediately she felt the effect the water had on her aching body, but the nice feeling soon disappeared as quickly as it came when he entered the room. Running is left hand through his messy thick hair, he smiled a little, then he sat down on the counter and watched her. Embarrassed she raised her arms to cover as much of her body as she could.  
  
He closed his eyes and chuckled slightly, "There's no reason to be scared."  
  
'Sure there is' She thought to herself, 'You're insane.'  
  
He opened his eyes and turned his head to the side, "You know Kotori, you really are beautiful."  
  
'Oh yeah, tell me that while my face is probably tomato red from you in here, I have all these bruises and cuts on my body, I have trash bags under my eyes, AND my face looks like shit with or without the blushing. Oh yeah I bet I'm beautiful.' She thought. 'Damn, if I had said that allowed I would have gotten the shit beat out of me.'  
  
She brought her knees up to her body to cover even more when she felt his gaze on her. "Relax Kotori, I'm not going to rape you."  
  
'How do I know that for sure you freak? You've done everything else.'  
  
As she sat there dead scared in his view he started humming the song Petals by Hole, this song had been her favorite for a very long time. And for just a moment she relaxed falling under a small sense of security of his deep voice.  
  
Notes: Aww, I only got one review, oh well, THANK YOU BLUERUROUNI! Well, so much for this chapter, R&R please. It'll give me something to concentrate on while I go to my orchestra concert in a few hours.

Kotori means 'Sweet Little Bird' incase you didn't know.


	3. Chapter Three: Something Memorable

My Ruin  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO hard lemon [softly scented though] because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song, I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way.  
  
Second Note: You guys are too nice. I expected to come home from my orchestra concert and either have no reviews or a bunch of flames screaming, "HOW CAN YOU MAKE AOSHI DO THAT!!!!!????". You all seem to want to know why Aoshi's such a whack job though. Haha it's understandable though. I love you all!   
  
**WARNING:** This chapter verges between the worlds of lime and lemon. If you don't like it you CAN SKIP IT! It will not take anything out of the story for you. Also make sure you're parents don't find you reading it since most of you are most likely not old enough [shit, I'm not old enough to be writing it so don't tell me otherwise .] I wouldn't want you getting in trouble and then not be able to read the rest of my nice and wonderful story.  
  
_4444  
  
We are all candy,  
  
Covered on the outside,  
  
Peel away the shell,  
  
And we're frightened on the inside,  
  
We are all angry,  
  
Angry on the outside,  
  
Peel away the shell,  
  
And we're rotten on the inside_.  
  
-Lollirot Written and performed by Jack Off Jill  
  
_4444_  
  
Somebody give her something to kill herself with! Was she really going to do it? Yes, yes she was! Thinking back to what had happened, she smiled for one of the first times in years.  
  
_4444  
  
She had been forced out of her bath, he hadn't given her a change of clothes or anything, he just had her stand there while he watched, and as he watched, he touched nowhere inappropriate, just touching her scars he had inflicted. Especially the one under her right eye, his favorite of all scars, he said it gave her character, which was pure bullshit, even he knew that.  
  
It felt good, she'd admit that, not only because of the fact that it was like a small massage, but also because of the fact that it meant he noticed her. He led her out of the bathroom –yes still naked- and sat her on the bed he turned away and opened a cabinet in which he took out a small black nightgown and threw it to her, "Put it on." She did exactly that and then sat back down on the bed.  
  
"I have a gift for you Kotori." He said, she perked up a bit, a gift? God what had gotten into him? Ah, oh hell she really didn't care, she wouldn't be around much longer anyway, and she'd definitely make sure of that.  
  
'Eeep!' was the only thing that went through her mind as she saw him move behind her, 'Oh god what's he doing? AH!' She nearly screamed at the bit of contact he made with her skin. He wrapped a sliver necklace around her neck, and for a second she almost thought he was going to choke her or something. But he didn't, not this time anyway, he simply just placed a beautiful necklace onto her body, it was on a sliver chain and at the bottom was a ring, not a wedding ring or anything, god no, just a simply silver ban with Japanese carvings in it.  
  
Sweet gesture, wouldn't help anything though, she was stilling going to drop the pathetic fucker like a rock. It was pretty though, and once she got away, she would never take it off, just to remind her what she escaped from. "It suits you." He said into her ear, kissing her slightly.  
  
'WHAT THE HELL?!?!" Was all that raced through her mind, that NEVER happened anymore. Was he sick?  
  
"Aoshi are you feeling well?" She said in a small voice.  
"Fine, perfectly fine." He said kissing her left cheek.  
"No Aoshi, are you OK? Seriously, this isn't funny."  
"I'm fine!" he said almost angrily, "And I'm not trying to be funny. Would you rather me be hitting you?"  
  
She was silent, he was right after all, she'd definitely rather have him kiss her then hit her, however she was used to one more then the other. His hands slid down from her neck to her arms in almost a small hug of all sorts, then his hands slipped to another part of her upper body, one that hadn't ever been touched before, and yes, it felt VERY good to her that she found herself moaning slightly. He chuckled slightly laughing at how easily she was pleased, oh why had he not tried this before? Maybe because she hadn't tried to escape and leave him before? Who knew?  
  
She then gasped loudly as his hands moved down to her lower body, touching a place that long ago only she wanted him to touch. "What are you doing!?!?!" she screamed slightly.  
  
"Giving you something you'll want."  
"Ahh" She closed her eyes tightly as she felt something wet slid down her legs, 'Stop it, stop it, stop it! I don't want it from you anymore!' She thought practically screaming in her head.  
  
The next thing she knew she had been pinned down to the bed, Aoshi above her lying in-between her pale legs she then noticed his clothes were on the floor. "This is going to hurt you more then it will me since you've never done this before, but you already knew that."  
  
The next moment she had been screaming loudly from pain.  
The next, she was nearly drowned in pleasure.  
The next, she was nearly passed out from exhaustion.  
The next she had tied him up to the bed so she could escape . . .  
  
4444  
  
_ She had grabbed a white coat and a pair of black pants from the closet and some sneakers, not caring that she was still wearing the nightgown she slipped the pants on and the sneakers then came next. Finally she slipped the coat on and ran stopping for just a moment to get one last look at Aoshi passed out on and chained to the bed. She then walked over slowly and placed a small single kiss on his cheek before leaving the room once and for all.  
  
The next thing she knew she was outside with car keys in hand, it had been the first time she had seen sunlight in about three months. And she loved it! Oh how she could drown in the pleasure of it! She walked over to the car and got in, praying to god that she still remembered how to drive.  
  
Slowly she drove out of the driveway and then sped away from the nightmare house and headed to the only place she knew she was safe, for now anyway. The house of her dear old friend Karou Himura . . .  
  
Notes: Aww, I apologize for it being so short, the next chapter will be longer I swear it! I'm just kinda in la-la land because of something REALLY good that happened to me .

Until my next update!

-Risika


	4. Chapter Four: Rag Doll Anonymous

My Ruin  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song, I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way.  
  
Review Replies:  
  
**Misao Mei Mei:** I play Viola too! You'll have to wait for the info on why Aoshi's so jacked up though hehe. I'd love for my fic to be up on your site! I sent you the e-mail and everything, although I'm guessing I'll have to send you this chapter too . . . unless you want to put it up for me hehehe j/k  
  
**SofaAndAnime:** Oh thank you for telling me about my spelling mistake, I forgot to fix that, you see my computer changes her name every time I write it so it got jacked up and since I had only said her name once I had forgotten.  
  
**Tesuka-Chan:** Haha, I'm 14! I hate writing lemon to be honest with you though, I just felt it fit in good with the story . . . hehe. I have no idea if there's going to be another, and I don't know I'm even going to be able to even write it! I might have to ask another author to or something [You want to? Hehe]. I can't help writing all this angsty stuff I just love it! I plan on writing more really soon. I've actually got a rather happy/humor story of Aoshi and Misao coming up soon, so keep watching because I'm sure you'd love it!  
  
**NameleeByChoice:** Yes I know I've gotten quite sick of all the happy AxM stories, however I do like a lot of them. I just really wanted to make something that would get people off guard.  
  
**Ali-chan6:** Sounds like someone is going to need a tissue whenever she reads this hehe j/k.  
  
**Pyroaoi:** Yes I am too interested in why he's such a mental case. Hmmm . . . gives me something to think on!  
  
**Fallen LP Angel:** Story of your life eh? Interesting! Glad you got out of it though   
  
**Drunkstrawberri:** I plan to for a long time! Hehe  
  
**BlueRurouni:** My first reviewer for this story! Thank you!  
  
_4444_  
  
_Your pretty face just grabbed the headlights, _

_Leaving nothing but my name, _

_And all my grief keeps multiplying, _

_And I pretend to feel no pain . . .  
  
_-Uncool

Written and performed by Courtney Love [Ex-lead singer of Hole, now solo- artist, and yes, still guilty of the murder of Kurt Cobain.]  
  
_4444  
_  
_Ding-dong._  
  
"Just one minute!" A light male voice said.  
  
She stood waiting silently, hands behind her back, standing on her tiptoes and then back down, god she was nervous, would Kaoru remember her? Would she help her even though they hadn't seen each other in four years? Would Kenshin remember her? How much had Kaoru changed? God with how she changed she doubted they'd recognize her!  
  
But most of all she was afraid of Aoshi, would he track her down or let her go? She hoped for the second one, but she knew deep down he'd never allow it. 'God help me please!' she thought.  
  
She almost fell from nervousness when the door opened to reveal a small man with longish red hair, he squinted his eyes at her for a moment, then they widened, "Mimi-chan!"  
  
"Help me." Was all she could manage out.  
Kenshin ushered her in, "Come in! Come in!"  
"Thank you."  
  
Kenshin sat her down on the couch. "What the hell happened? We haven't seen you in years!"  
  
"Kenshin-anata who is it?" The light voice of Kaoru questioned.  
"Honey, get out here, quick." Kenshin said not taking his eyes off Misao.  
Kaoru came through the small hallway, she had changed so much to her eyes, her hair was longer and her eyes were calmer then she remembered, "Mi- Misao!"  
"Hi" She said meekly, with a small weak smile.  
Kaoru ran over to her and embraced her; "It's been so long!"  
"Yeah."  
Kaoru put her hands to her face and looked at her, eyes widened slightly at her looks, "What . . . what happened?"  
"Did Shinomori-san do that to you?" The voice of Kenshin asked.  
She nodded feeling slightly embarrassed, "Four years now, he's the reason I haven't seen you two in so long."  
"I take it this was the first time you've gotten out." Kenshin said.  
"Hai Kenshin-kun." She said, "I escaped while he was sleeping, I'm frightened of what will happen when he wakes . . ."  
Kaoru hugged her once again and whispered, "We won't let him even 500 feet near you!"  
"Ah." She hissed as Kaoru had touched one of her injuries.  
"Oh god, I'm sorry Mimi-chan!" Kaoru said taking her arms away.  
"It's alright."  
"What all has he done to you? In fact tell us everything, that is if you're able to talk about it."  
She shook her head, shaking slightly at the memories, "N . . . not now . . . I'm sorry . . . I just can't."  
Kenshin smiled, "It's alright, tell us when your ready."  
Kaoru gasped, "My you must be hungry Misao-chan! Would you like something to eat?"  
"Sure. Thank you."  
"No problem." Kaoru smiled.  
There would never know, never know the pain she had endured, and maybe, just maybe would endure, that is of course, if he found her. She prayed dearly that he would not though.  
"Perhaps we should call the police?" Kenshin asked.  
Her eyes widened, "NO!" even though she wanted nothing to do with him, she would never allow him to be locked away, never. She knew deep down he didn't deserve it, just as she hadn't deserved to be abused, he was just as innocent as small child, no matter what God or Devil said he was innocent.  
Kenshin stood half-confused and half-understanding.  
"Please, just don't."  
Kenshin nodded, "As you wish."  
"Perhaps you would like a bath once you're finished with your meal?" Kaoru said, "We could prepare a room for you while you bathe."  
"I would like that." She said softly, "Thank you, you're to kind."  
"I'm going to guess that your stay with us will be short correct?" Kenshin asked.  
"I don't know, I know I have to get away from this city, maybe even this country, I know he'll try to track me down, and I know you two are the only ones I can trust . . ." Her voice broke a little, "I just want to wake up from this nightmare . . ."  
"Then we'll find you someplace safe to stay" Kenshin said, "And just to make sure you're safe, we'll go with you."  
She nodded, "If you come, you might become victims."  
"I don't care." Kenshin said, "All I know is, is that it's better to help others then to help yourself."  
  
Those words, she knew, would stick inside her head for the rest of her life, however she was not sure she would ever need the words of advice. Hell, she'd be lucky if she'd be able to look at another man ever again -besides Kenshin of course-.  
  
_4444  
_  
Oh yes, he was furious, more then furious actually he was frantic. The walls of the house showed it too as chunks of them where missing from where he had punched them in. Oh how he would get her back, and when she was back, she would be wishing she were never born.  
  
_'A little too late for that isn't it Aoshi? After all, remember what she told you.'_ a voice inside his head told him.  
"Shut the fuck up." he said to himself.  
  
He loved her, yes, even though he beat her and abused her, he loved her more then anything. She was his; no man could have her but him, he'd make sure of that, he'd track her down to the ends of the earth, and if another man so much as thought about her in that way he'd kill the man in his thoughts.  
  
_'If you loved her, you wouldn't abuse her.'_ The voice said again, _'She didn't deserve it, all she did was love and trust you.'_  
"You act like I don't know that!" He screamed to the voice, "She's no more different then me, a human with emotions and nerves, she feels what I feel!"  
_'Is that so?'_ the voice said, _'I didn't know she was a Nihilist.'_  
"I am not a Nihilist."  
_'The denial of the existence of any basis for knowledge or truth'_ the voice simply stated, _'you sound like a Nihilist to me.'_  
"You shut up!"  
  
He punched another hole in the wall and the voice was silent, "I believe in nothing, not even Nihilism."  
_'Not even her?'_  
He did not answer. Instead he sat on his bed; ice colored eyes closed, and for the first time in his life, tears threatened to fall . . .  
  
_4444_  
  
For her, life was hell, the Himura's had always been so kind to her, and when she had been innocent Kaoru had been her best friend. She had even attended their wedding, her being the maid of honor, and all she could do in return for their kindness was drag them into her hell. She couldn't stop them either, once she had come to their door they wouldn't have let her walk away without a fight.  
  
The bath had been more then nice, it had been wonderful, the first bath she had, had in a long time where she wasn't either in pain from the hot or cold water or where she wasn't being watched.  
  
She lay on the bed they had given her and when she was sure they had gone to bed, she had cried, in fact she still was crying, crying not for herself, but for him. Just thinking of the pain she probably had caused him . . . no he didn't love her . . . he felt nothing for her, that's why whenever he looked at her, it was only a look of emptiness.  
  
She was his rag doll, his plaything, the only thing that amused him. That's why he vented his anger out on her, just as a small child throws a hissy fit, he would make her feel pain the make himself feel better. She had always loved how he was possessive; she had especially liked it when he got jealous, she had always thought it was so cute. But she never wanted him to as possessive as he had become.  
  
Rag doll, his rag doll, his Kotori, his prisoner.  
But was it right for a prisoner to cry for her kidnapper?  
Her mind echoed yes.  
  
She cried herself to sleep as Lovesong by The Cure ran through her head.  
  
_Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am at home again,  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am a whole again,  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am young again,  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make feel like I am fun again, again.  
However far away,  
I will always love you,  
However far away,  
I will always love you,  
Whatever words I say,  
I will always love you,  
I will always love you,  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am free again,  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am clean again, again.  
However far away,  
I will always love you,  
However long I stay,  
I will always love you,  
Whatever words I say,  
I will always love you,  
I will always love you . . .  
_  
And as she slept, she dreamed of a world where she was finally happy.  
  
Notes: Yee, another chapter down the crapper! Oh and I don't own Lovesong by The Cure [even though I'd LOVE to because it's one of the best songs EVER!] it is property of Robert Smith, and I am obviously not Robert Smith. Anyway, R&R and I might tell you why Aoshi's so jacked up!  
  
I'm such a low life


	5. Chapter Five: Reasons Beyond Control

**My Ruin  
**  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song, I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way.  
  
_4444  
  
Far away,  
  
I escape,  
  
Hold me close,  
  
and I break,  
  
Let me break . . .  
  
_-Can't (Halloween Valentine)

Written and performed by Scarling  
  
_4444_  
  
_Rage.  
Anger.  
Hate.  
Longing.  
Love.  
Dying.  
Crying.  
Suffering.  
Bleeding.  
Suffocating.  
Hurting . . ._  
  
Emotions were such a terrible sin if such a thing existed, terrible indeed, so terrible a nihilist could almost believe in them. A raging eternal fire that never stopped except when you met your death and your soul scattered into fragments of nothing. He knew this all to well, but the emotion he mostly lived with was obsession and love, a terrible, horrible, nasty mix. His love for her was so strong, so very, very strong that it almost made him feel like he was a small child drowning in that of a public pool without anyone they're to save him. Had he really made her want to kill herself? Was his obsession that bad? Was his abuse that horrible? All she had to do was what he asked of her and she wouldn't be touched. He was a cruel breast, he'd admit, just the thought that he caused her pain made him smile.  
  
_A sadist perhaps?_  
  
Maybe so, maybe no. He remembered the day he had snapped so vividly as if it had happened every day of his worthless life. They had been fighting because of the fact that she had gotten a bit to close to a man named Takeo, something he feared the most, having her leave him for another frightened him beyond belief. But when she had scream, "I don't see why you care so much, if I loved him I wouldn't be here with you! I love you! Why can't you see that!" he had slapped her, what was his reason? He didn't know, nor did he care to know.  
  
Truthfully, he felt that the more he frightened her the more she'd be scared to leave him, he wanted her to feel the fear he felt of her abandoning him. All of it. He felt that if he beat her, he could at the same protect her from all of those who threatened to take her from him.  
  
But slowly he began doing it just for the pleasure of seeing her in pain, the thoughts of her crying out all because of him, made him fee complete in some sickening way. Yes as he said before, he did love her, he loved her more then the world itself. If he had the choice to believe in only one thing he'd believe in her and her alone.  
  
Just the thought of living without her was sickening. Slowly his mind began to sing Nine Inch Nails lyrics to him . . .  
  
_She spreads her legs wide open to let the insects in,  
She leaves a trail of honey to show me where she's been,  
She has the blood of reptile just underneath the skin,  
Seeds of a thousand others drip down from within,  
Oh my beautiful liar,  
Oh my precious whore,  
My disease my invention,  
I am so un-pure . . ._  
  
So instead he beat her, he tortured her, and he frightened her, just to keep her safe from everyone else. But now she had run away, fled from him, abandoned him, right as he was about to try and stop himself from his absurd obsession.  
  
He hated himself, he hated the world, he hated the animals, he hated the rain, he hated the sun, he hated the moon, he hated everything in existence, all except her . . .  
  
'She said' His mind reeled, 'She'd never leave me.'  
  
She left him to rot, left him to die alone without anything but a memory. He'd, however, get her back, he swore to it, with every being in his body, if another man even touched her, he'd be dead before nightfall. She was his, his alone, no one else's.  
  
"No one" He said to himself, "Can have her but me."  
  
For the first time in ten years, tears fell from his closed eyelids . . .  
  
Notes: Happy now? Hehe. SORRY FOR SHORTNESS!!! R&R PLEASE!!!!!


	6. Chapter Six: Glass Image

**My Ruin**  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song. I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way . . . btw Babes in Toyland are an actual band.  
  
**Review Replies:**  
  
**Tesuka-chan:** I love The Cure! In fact on July 28th I'm going to go see them in concert! And yeah Lovesong is on the 50 First Dates Soundtrack but that band 311 did a cover of it. To bad you can't write lemons . . . . hehe I guess I'll just have to do it myself!  
  
**Rouge:** Everybody's hoping the same thing about Aoshi   
  
**Female Hitokiri Battousai:** Oh my . . . thank you very much! Wow, I don't think I've ever had so many compliments before.  
  
**SofaAndAnime:** Yes the love song! Hahaha Aoshi in Therapy would make a good side story I might do that as a small extra once this fic is finished.  
  
**Ruby:** Thank you!  
  
**Madam Jade:** Hahaha, thank you, you would probably like my story Porcelain Doll too.  
  
**Death Muffin:** I love Jack Off Jill and Scarling, Jessicka is my goddess! Hehe thanks very much for the nice comments.  
  
**Yoyoiacat:** Thanks very much!  
  
**T-chan:** Hope I updated soon enough!  
  
**Bunnys123:** Yes people review my awesome fic!   
  
**Deadly Diva:** Thanks! However I do not know what's wrong with Aoshi . . . he's just . . . weird shifty eyes  
  
**Kay-san1(ShinomoriMiyu:** Yes stories are always better if you can relate to them and the characters. I'm glad you got out of that situation though.  
  
_4444  
  
It's all fucked you've blown it,  
  
There is no recovery,  
  
It's all fucked you've blown it,  
  
You took that away from me . . .  
_  
-Black Horse Riding Star Written and performed by Scarling  
  
_4444  
  
Cold._  
  
She shook in her sleep, twitching violently back and forth, how it hurt, tears still streamed down from her closed sleeping eyes and the cold air tortured her body as she slept even through a thick cotton blanket. Her eyes opened slightly and then she jerked, siting up she took in her surroundings.  
  
She was in the apartment Kenshin and Kaoru had been kind enough to buy for her, the apartment was just one of the many buildings of Tokyo and Kenshin and Kaoru lived next door. It had been three weeks since her escape from him. Over the time she had been in Tokyo she had met two women a few years older then she who had gone through the same things she had, their names were Okon and Omasu. It was nice to know she wasn't alone, it was very nice actually, Okon and Omasu has shared everything with her, books, movies, CD's, you name it.  
  
_4444  
  
They both walked up to her, no expression on their faces, what had Kenshin told them?  
"Hi" the one called Omasu said to her.  
"Hey"  
"Your name is Misao right?"  
She nodded affirmative.  
"My name is Omasu and my friend's name is Okon"  
Okon smiled. Misao smiled back.  
"Kenshin tells us you've been through a lot lately."  
"Yes."  
Okon and Omasu nodded Okon then took over by sticking out her hand for a handshake.  
"Welcome to the club, we've been through the same thing."  
  
4444_  
  
Every since that night they had all been inseparable, they had shared things with her, their experiences, but they never asked her what hers had been, the respected her privacy and said they would only ask her if she was ready to talk about it.  
  
They were one of the few reasons she hadn't killed herself yet out of fear, three weeks . . . no beatings, no scabs, no bruises, no blood, no blindfolds or chains . . . god it felt good to be free. Slowly she walked over to her closet and put on a pair of silk black pants and a forest green shirt, she looked in the mirror and almost didn't recognize herself, she had gotten tanner and had gotten a hair too. Her hair was now just a few centimeters below her shoulders instead of past her ass.  
  
She had gotten into a nice college too, under a different name of course though, Miyuki Kokoro, Kenshin had picked out the name.  
  
She walked out of the room slowly heading for the kitchen.  
  
"Ohayo Gozaimasu Ogenki desu ka Kotori?"  
She froze. Dropping the cup she had grabbed from the cabinet, it couldn't be. No, no, please god no . . .  
She turned around slowly, not caring that her bare feet had been cut from the glass of the cup she had dropped, and slowly she realized with a sigh of relief that the words had come from an animal planet type cannel on the T.V.  
_"Paranoia, that's all."_  
She hissed in slight pain at the feeling of glass penetrating her foot, pulling her foot up into the air she jerked the glass pieces out of her foot. The feeling was nothing; she had felt worse she wouldn't need to bandage anything.  
  
"Miyuki?" The voice of Kenshin said behind the front door.  
"Just a minute!" She was still getting used to the name.  
She limped slowly over to the door before unlocking it to come face to face with Kenshin, the man whom had saved her.  
"Miyuki-dono what happened to your foot?"  
She looked down; "I got scared and dropped a glass cup by accident. It's nothing to worry about though."  
"Oh, well Kaoru and I are going to the market would you like to come with us?"  
"No thanks." She said quietly, "I'll be fine here."  
"Alright, if you need us you know where to find us."  
She nodded smiling half way before saying her good byes and shutting the door.  
  
She picked the glass out of her foot, it did not hurt her, nothing really hurt her anymore to be honest. She guessed that was why no one really talked to her much.  
  
_ Ring, ring, ring . . ._  
  
She picked up the phone, "Misao . . . I mean Miyuki this is Omasu I've got a question for you."  
"Hai?"  
"Come down to me and Okon's place and I'll ask ok?"  
"Alright."  
  
_4444  
_  
"You want me to what?"  
"Please!!!!" they begged.  
With a sigh she closed her eyes, "Ok, but you to know just as good as I do that we would have to be very careful."  
"Oh yes we know." Omasu said.  
"After all" Okon said, "We are all in hiding, so we'll be in disguise you know, like lots of make-up, new hairstyles, and the changed names."  
She nodded. What had she gotten herself into? She had just agreed to be the lead singer of a band! What the fuck was wrong with her?  
  
Notes: Ok that's all for now, if I continued this chapter it would be a drag on and it would seem really forced and yeah so does the band idea but it's a good idea I swear, I just couldn't fit it in right without it seeming forced . . . don't complain, I could have discontinues to story!!!! Hehe . . . R&R please.


	7. Chapter Seven: Boygrinder

_My Ruin_  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.  
  
Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.  
  
Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things.  
  
Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama  
  
Note: Haha I got all of you guys with Misao joining a band hahahaha. Boy I really need a new hobby . . .  
  
Secondary Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song. I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way . . .  
  
_4444  
_  
_He waits for her to understand, _

_But she won't understand at all, _

_She waits all night for him to call, _

_But he won't call anymore . . . _

_He waits to hear her say: _

_"Forgive" _

_But she just drops her pearl black eyes, And prays to hear him say:  
  
"I love you"  
  
But he tells no more lies . . .  
_  
_-Apart_

Written and performed by The Cure  
  
_4444_  
  
Deep breath, take a huge swig of water, breathe in, breathe out, stay calm, you can do this.  
  
She was nervous, even though only 60 people stood in the crowd, she was a whole new person practically she looked nothing like she did before. White face make-up, crimson lipstick, eyeliner, black eye shadow, rat-tails in her long hair, and to top it off an outfit that screamed abused.  
  
She opened her mouth and screamed a long loud roar that made the audience jump a little.  
  
**"See yourself through my eyes, and you get fucked **

**Everybody's simple, ****they're simply fucked **

**See yourself in the mirror, you look the same **

**Peel at the sheets, and lick the stain **

**Put me in the corner; blot me in the powder **

**Take me like the poison, then kill yourself **

**See yourself in the mirror, you look the same **

**Everybody's crazy, but I stay sane"  
**  
She pulled out the razor that she held inside her pocket, showed her bare arm to the crowd and rip a deep bleeding wound was born. She loved her new experiments since joining her wretched band, she always thought cutting was a cowardly way of relieving stress but, oh god, once she had tried it she couldn't stop.  
  
**"See yourself through my eyes, cause you wanna fuck **

**The little teenage boy, that we wanna fuck **

**P****ut me in the corner; blot me in the powder **

**Take me like the poison, then kill yourself **

**We all . . . **

**Like it more . . . **

**When we . . . **

**Get raped . . ."  
**  
She tore down some of the equipment, nothing important though, she then smashed the mic-stand into the wall making a hole. She felt drunk, high, and fucked all at once but yet it felt good, it felt good standing on stage screaming and destroying things, it felt good frightening people, but mostly it felt good to be a shock performer.  
  
**"Can't give it back when you whine about it **

**Can't you accept when it is a fuck? **

**Can't you accept when you wanna fuck? **

**You can't kill your **

**Put me in the corner; blot me in the powder **

**Take me like a poison, then kill yourself **

**See yourself through my eyes, and you get fucked **

**Everybody's crazy, they're simply fucked **

**See yourself in the mirror, you look the same **

**Peel at the sheets, and lick the stain **

**Put me in the corner; blot me in the powder **

**T****ake me like a poison, then kill yourself"**  
  
Ever since she ran away, she had slowly turned violent by the second, she fell to the stage on her knees, reached into her pockets and threw candy-covered razors onto the crowd. Some cut themselves purposely with them to be closer to her, others avoided them like cowards, and others licked the candy off and saved the razor. She opened her eyes a noticed blood everywhere, dripping from her arms and legs, it was all over the stage floor, but it didn't matter, she had seen and been through worse.  
  
**"Strolls on south **

**Steal my old clothes **

**What he sees is what he knows **

**Though he's nervous it never shows **

**She welcomes him with open arms **

**S****teps on his feet and his lucky **

**Charms, charms **

**You can save what you are **

**A pile of extra shit **

**S****hit."  
**  
With that she scream another long scream and that was it, she was done, the concert was finally over with. She walked off stage with her band to their dressing rooms and bandaged her arms and legs.  
  
"You pulled quiet a number on yourself 'Kire' you should be more careful" Omasu said.  
"It's nothing don't worry about it" She said sounding tired.  
Okon laughed, "You wrecked the entire room, I think you destroyed $500 in equipment too."  
"I don't care anymore," She said, "I just want to sleep right now, you know I never thought performing would be as fun as it is."  
"Yeah well it won't ever be if we get discovered I mean some celebrities have killed themselves from it!"  
"Then we'll make sure we're a hidden band if we ever get a record deal." She said standing to leave. "I'll catch you guys later."  
"K! Bye Kire!"  
  
She longed for the day she was called Misao again, but she knew it couldn't happen; otherwise he'd find her.  
  
_4444_  
  
He knew it had been her, he'd looked all over Japan but had never thought to look for her on the streets of Tokyo. However, she had changed a great, great deal, rat-tails, black boots, with a long black dress, and white face make-up with a beautiful touch of red lipstick and red and black eye shadow. Her whole appearance screamed sadistic dominatrix prostitute at him and he had ended up very tempted to rape her right where she stood.  
  
He had to play his cards right, no rushing, he had to let her think that she was finally safe when in reality she was far from it. She went by the name Kire now; he had found it very amusing as well considering the name meant cut, and cuts were what he had been very good at giving her.  
  
_4444_  
  
"Use tragedy like a vehicle and ride it till it stops hurting."  
_ More easily said then done._  
  
She sat and she wrote, she wrote of all the pain, of all the anger, of all the fear, and of all the regret she had ever felt. No more cover songs, no, her band was going to sing their own creations from now on.  
  
She wrote of Aoshi, her demon, she never said his name in the lyrics obviously and she made it so that it seemed more fiction then a true story. She wondered what the others would think of her, she wondered if the band would ever get signed, highly doubtful and they would probably decline it all.  
  
With each day that crept past she was beginning to feel more and more safe, but was that a good thing?  
  
Notes: Ahh I'm sorry guys I was going to make this longer but I'm incredibly lazy. But hey at least I finally put something up


	8. Notice: Sorry! I love you all!

Ok, guys I apologize grately for the lack of updates, but I have a good reason I swear it!!!! My computer just recently broke down and I had to go get it fixed, I also will have to get Microsoft Word installed on my computer [again].

So for a while I wasn't able to write, that is until now that excepts texts documents! :P

So anyway sorry for the lack of updates, I will update soon I promise. Until then check out my other stories, I think the majority of you will enjoy my story Cut Strings considering it can be any heteorsexual RK couple you want! :P

Once again I apologize, please don't kill me


	9. Chapter Eight: Bleed Fear

**My Ruin**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this idea and/or any original characters that might appear.

Summary: Oh yes, it hurt, it hurt like hell, he didn't love her, she was blind to even think such a thought. He had made her feel like she was put on this forsaken earth just for him, and it had made her feel . . . special . . . for just one moment in her life. But that feeling was long dead, it had died with whatever love they both once shared. Which in this case, there was none.

Rated: R for violence, abuse, and language, NO lemon because I'm too young to write such things. Haha ok I lie.

Genre: Romance/Horror/Drama

Note: As for the songs I put in before the chapter sometimes they will be the entire song or just a part of the song. I do not own these songs and they are only put here because I feel they explain the story in a strange way . . . Whooooo I have a lot of music in this story haha I can't help it sorry I love rock/industrial music.

_4444_

_Take the pills to ease the pain,  
Pop 50 just to see if you'll remain sane,  
All God's people burn in hell,  
All Girlscout's get raped,  
Full of lies you yourself reflect love._

Kill the Baby

-Written and performed by Desecrated Butterfly [My band, I wrote the song, my property! ]

_4444_

She had backed herself into a corner, she was hardly dressed, a white bra and white underwear to match with a little pink cotten jacket, her hair was messy and distorted, tears streamed down her pale face, and yet she still felt nothing. She held a razor in her right hand and continued to cut up and down her left arm. It was all pointless to leave, instead of him hurting her she was hurting herself and she didn't know why. She had tried to write a song for the band and she had gotten away with one but when she tried again, nothing came. She was frustrated and mentally fucked up and she kept feeling like he was always there, right behind her, watching her, waiting for her. It was driving her insane.

_Oh yeah so that give you an excuse to hurt yourself. Smart Misao, real smart._

Where ever she turned she was taunted by his face, it was everywhere, in her dreams, in the mirror, in the crowds of people, everywhere. She couldn't escape.

_Just put the razor down and go wrap your arm in some bandages, it'll be ok, he's gone, far away. You escaped remember?_

_No. _

"Stupid little me." she whispered to herself, "I've become addicted to pain."

_4444_

She wasn't doing very good on her own, oh heavens no, she was doing worse then she was when she was with him. The thought made him laugh uncontrolably just picturing his sweet little Misao actually hurting herself purposely just brought a smile to his day.

He wondered what Kenshin would say if he found out, he'd probably try to 'save' her like he did last time. God he was so bad at that, Kenshin was to kind for his own good.

He turned up the volume on his car stereo, David Bowie's The Man Who Sold the World blared loudly. One of his favorites. Not like anyone cared though.

He wondered how he would get her back, disguise? No to, how do you say, shitty. Maybe he should be forward or something rather. Or perhaps pretend he's changed...who knows.

_4444_

'_I don't know what to do with myself anymore'_

_'Someone help me.'_

_'I feel like I'm drowning.'_

_'Slowly edging towards death.'_

_'Is there something left in a world filled with pain?'_

She opened her mouth, still trapped inside the walls of the corner, and she screamed, for no reason, just to scream.

Once she was done she felt better, and a bit safer too.

"Kire?" the voice of Omasu said, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine" she said, "It was . . . . just a spider."

_Notes:_ Ok so I basically end it there because I have a bad case of a writers block and I don't know what to write, I just needed to get a chapter up really bad, so anyway review and give me some ideas please


	10. Author needing some help here!

Alright guys listen, I know I haven't updated anything in god knows how long but I need your help.

A few years ago I read the most beautiful Aoshi and Misao fic ever written, I don't know who it was by and I can't find the website it was on. This is where you come in, the story is of course about Aoshi and Misao, anyway Misao finds away to go into the past to when Aoshi was around 15-16, she meets up with Aoshi and they fall in love of course but sadly Misao can only stay in the past for a short amount of time and because of the fact that she cannot see herself in the past she must leave the 16-year-old Aoshi and return to the present. Anyway while she's back in the present it becomes the anniversary of when she left Aoshi in the past and Aoshi comes to talk to her. Aoshi has realized Misao is the girl he fell in love with 10 years ago and tells Misao that because of her actions, she was the cause of him leaving her at such a young age because he had no idea that the girl he fell in love with was with Misao as a teenager, therefore making him leave in search of her. But anyway they end up getting together at then end.

I just **REALLY** want to find this story, infact it might even be on FF, I just can't find it **ANYWHERE!** So if you know where I can find this beautiful story or your the author of that beautiful story **PLEASE GIVE ME THE LINK TO IT SO I CAN READ IT AGAIN!!!!** That story is the one story that made me become an Aoshi and Misao writer and it was a huge inspiration to me so if you know where I can find it please leave a review and tell me.

If you help me I promise to update all my stories and finally finish them all for you :)


End file.
